i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Naked. naked and bneed help.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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