I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
