I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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