drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
