You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
