She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
