I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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