Betty ford says i'm here all night
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
