Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
