Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
