Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
