seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
