I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Randomize
