Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
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