Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize
