You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
