Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize