I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
This house was built for laser tag.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
