Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
