I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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