you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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