Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
