i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
