which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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