Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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