Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
