i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
