He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
