I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
