Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
