Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
