oh god the rape fog is back!
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
