Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
