plz talk dirty to me
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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