you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Randomize
