we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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