I want to stick my p in your. b.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
