Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
