I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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