my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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