once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
this beer tastes like vomit already
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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