The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
they're like a gay fantastic four
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
