Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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