you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
