Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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