The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
