Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
