Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
