hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
