Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
