She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
