I'm pants shitting drunk right now
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
