i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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