Who did Billy Mays play for?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
