you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
