FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
